Let's talk masturbation

by Shan Minville

Sex is my happy topic. Yeah I know, it does sound weird written like that but bear with me. I’m just saying it like it is: I LOVE (!!) a good sex conversation. Give me the details, new inputs, things to try, answer the juicy questions I like to throw your way, and you basically have a good & easy thirty to an hour conversation with me. Yup!  

Not only does addressing sex make great conversations, I think it also has a smooth way of connecting, on a whole other level, whoever holds that dire talk. Personally, when I feel like I can share everything and anything, I become more comfortable when it comes down to knowing and communicating my needs, preferences, concerns with either my partner, my own self or anyone else. Of course, there are always personal details I choose to keep to myself! But when something bothers me, or simply piques my curiosity I want to eventually vocalize it. It’s not rocket science: having our inquiries openly shared and answered helps whoever is looking for clarity.

Since there was a lot I would have liked to hear / ask / talk about years ago, masturbation wise, but didn’t, I thought I’d cover what I personally find to be important things to address when it goes down to girls masturbating. I hope I don’t offend anyone if I don’t meticulously filter my words.
SO!! For all my ladies out there, whether familiar or not with masturbation, here is what I think we ‘’should’’ know…

Masturbation is something to:
+ Ease into. Let’s straighten out that masturbation is NOT a boujee mix of endless pleasure & euphoria, straight from the get-go. Sometimes (or probably most of the time, and at each their own pace) we need to somewhat acquaint ourselves to our own body, its preferences, its dislikes and everything in-between before the whole experience starts providing its benefits and starts feeling actually enjoyable. 
+ Talk about. Just as much as the guys do. Get your girlfriends’ advice, if you want them. Normalize this whole business, especially if you’ve been brought up in a more conservative family where any of the above hadn’t ever really been talked about. Cover the topic in your day-to-day conversations. Ask your questions! 
+ Take advantage of. Once you have established a practice you personally enjoy, take advantage of it. Start being curious about what you like and don’t like sexually. Let masturbation help you release the stress you might be accumulating as well as all those endorphins — the feel-good chemicals in our brain!

+ Own. Take pride in all aspects of it — not for others, but for YOU, for the progress you’ve made and for the pleasure and love you’ve come to be able to give your own self, mind, soul, and body. Own the silly anecdotes, the times you might have done it a little too often, or the fact that you’ve started quite young (or the opposite). When it comes down to each one’s private life, I feel like your own opinion is the only one that matters. Your body, your rules! 

Our Merge picks for this one:

For the sense of touch, we highly recommend trying this personal lubricant from Intamo, a unique blend of plant-based ingredients that facilitates solo exploration, with or without help. For the sense of smell, to get you in the mood, this aphrodisiac diffuser blend will certainly help set the mood and stimulate your brain the right way. We’ll let you set up the rest for the other senses … :)

Written by Shan Minville